and i really dont feel like telling you what ive been up to.
i should have waited another 10 weeks and it could have been a year since i last posted haha.

anywwhoooo

life is great.
i still dont have a boyfriend cause im a loser.
but i do like people bahaha

annyyway i thought it would be cool to get back into this...but i just dont know. hahah

and its venting time.




why do i always do this to my self. i always let my self fall to hard. and i always get hurt. i always have to fall for someone who lives extremely far. i always think for the best and that its going to work out. but it never does. i dont know what to do anymore. i wish someone would like me for who i am. and isnt a sex freak. but i dont think thats ever going to happen.
fuck it.

i honestly dont know what to do anymore.

i havent been on here in a while >,<

so school started. and im dooing pretty good :)
and me and cody arent going that good. im really really pist off at him. so yeah.

i have a newww crush its kind of oddd. and he has a girlfriend at a different school :(
its not like i have a chance sooo whatever.
i can always hope. haha

i dont feel like talking anymore haha

I got really sunburned last week and now I'm peeling. Its grosss. I don't like it. But sometimes its kind of fun.

Woohoo going home tomorrow. Super excited.

Alrightys I'm out much love <3

i haven't posted anything in a really really long time. as of right now i'm in long beach california for 18 days. i got here july 24th and i leave august 11th. since i've been here, i've gone to knotts berry farms, hollywood. i started liking onions. (only grilled) sorta starting to like tomatoes. and i think i just might like eggs. sunny side up fools.
i no longer have a fear of jumping off things into deep water. and i no longer have a fear of jumping off boats. on and i like sushi :D (sorta) i bought some urban decay makeup. and i feel all rich. i got a massage for the first time ever. i really do think its better then sex. and thats hard to say baha. i must say i do miss my home. i miss santa cruz more then anything and i miss blazin'. tonight was the first night in a long time that i cried over my dad. we were all talking about him. and it just hit me a little to hard. but i'm alright now. me and cody are sorta in a way not talking. i feel like i did something wrong. so i sent him a long message. i told him to think long and hard about what he said. and that this was the message that is going to deiced our future together. i think everything is going to be alright. and maybe we aren't meant to be. i mean in reality he's everything i could ever ask for. but i say that about a lot of people. but i really do think that about cody. i know what i want. i just don't know what he wants. well tomorrow i'm going to venice beach. cause i'm p-i-m-p, if i wake up early enough i can do my hair without it being all hot and shit. alright i'm out. i love you all. and whoever reads this. (which is no one bahah) goodnight and sweet dreams.

so last night i saw HHLL and Suffokate. :D pretty dope.
i hung out with kevin and i think we're better off as friends.
just cause i dont wanna ruin our friendship. He's a cool guy and i wouldnt want anything to happen to that. soo thats that.
uhhhh i'm seeeeeeeing moria and ARSONISTS tomorrow night :D

me, cathy, and alyssa whatched porn last night LAWL. it was funny and he brother walked in and he was like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WATCHING and we changed it really fast and he was like were you guys looking at porn and we were like nooo and he was like yes you were and he looked at the channels and he was just going up and down and it was really funny. HAH.
AJSDLKJASDJAKLSDJAKLSJDL dudeeeee.

cody is so amazing. in everyway possible.



I LOVE CAFFARINE MORE THEN ANYTHING! bahahah

i got muh mofuckin perrrrrrmit :D well...its now valid :D and now the only thing i have to do is wait six months :D

so i thought i would give you all an update.

i had the best weekend ever with caffarine. we went to the boardwalk friday and then got drunk a little. we're lame :D and then did nothing for the rest of the weekend haha. i went home today. and im going back over there friday :D woohoooooo. seeing heavyheavylowlow and suffokate on friday and seeing moria and arsonists get all the girls on sunday :D morias last show AGAIN jesus christ haha.

CODY MIGHT COME SEEEEEEE ME SOME TIME NEXT WEEK. if he has a ride back. but he doesnt knowww yet. i think im falling for this boyyyy. >,<

my feet are colddddy.

im outskieees.
<3

if i had to choose a power i would pick the power to fly. because then i wouldn't have to worry about gas and not having a ride to places. i wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore, all of my current problems would be solved.

I'm falling for someone completely different then who iv been talking about.

Moria's last show (again) is on the 13th. I'm going to go if I can fide a ride.
I really really don't wanna miss this :|
I'll do anything to get there.

Blahhhh.
Welll tonight was alright.
I gave joel his present. And he liked it. Went to the moria show. Was a huge turn out. But it got just down at 8:30 because the owners didn't have a permit to have live music there. So only this son of yours and moria got to play. I don't know the next time I'm going to see arsonists again. Freakin poop. Me and Kevin had a good...conversation. He punched me in the boobie.
So right now me and cathy are sitting in her room...watching a movie.


Bnwejikde I like him so much. I can't even explain how much. I just wish that he would like me. Or something. Is there really a lot of things not to like about me? I can name quite a few.

-fat.
-ugly.
-not edge.
-fat.
-not scene.
-fat.
+ more.


I'm never going to get a boyfriend if I'm so shy. I never talk to people.



Should I go edge?

haha i'm super lame. lol.

i need to be more comfortable with myself. if someone is going to like me they are going to like me the way i am. :D

someone left me a truth in my truth box saying "i wish you didnt do drugs"

hmm i wonder.

- of being kissed
- of being hugged
- of being hold
- of being loved.

:(

I think I need to stop being so shy, and talk more. I don't I'm just always scared that if i don't make a good first impression that people aren't going to like me, but then i feel like if I'm lame and i don't talk that people aren't going to like me either. I don't know. I don't know how to over come my shyness. FUCK.

yesterday me and eden went to Santa Cruz and we played laser tag because we couldn't go bowling. So when we were done we walked on the boardwalk and got slushies. Then we started walking down the boardwalk more, all the way to the end. Then we started walking on the railroad tracks, but we couldn't do it. So we turned around, and then we walking on the walking part of it. Then we went back and was like okay we're going to walk it, RIGHT NOW. So we started walking and then we were like fuck that, and then i walked back and then eden couldn't do it and then theses punk guys started walking towards us, and then eden was like i can't do it. So they helped her across. They were all drunk. But then they asked us if we wanted to hang out with them, so we did. Their names where Joe, Micheal, and Derrek. So then Derrek and eden started getting it on. (not like DOING IT) but you know. So then we hung out more and Derrek and Eden made out more. And then we were sitting behind some building and Joe threw up, it was gross. Then his mom called and said they had to go home, so they started walking home, and then she called and said they she would come pick them up i guess. So while me and eden were waiting for the bus, Eden saw this cute guy, and said she liked his hat. And then she told him her name, and then i started walking towards her, and she was like "and thats Chelsea." and i was like "hey" and then we started talking. And he was riding the same bus we were. So just all started talking. And then me and Jacob(that was his name) started talking about Shot at Love and The Real World and then we talked about the boardwalk and then he was like yeah call me sometime or something, and then eden was like "how can i call you id i don't have your number" so then he gave us his number. Hah he doesn't have a cell phone. What a silly one. And then he got off the bus. And then we got off.

no one cares about katie. (she was on the bus)

Today-
me and eden did NOTHING. haha. oh we made cookies haha.

last night me and cathy went to a show. i swear it was the biggest waste of 10bucks EVER.
there was nooo one there. but i guess it was helping arsenic. but...im pretty sure it was a pinup show. soo yeah thats gay. well not really but you know what i mean.

i still have a crush on him.
i dont think its EVER going to go away.
oh well.

I think I'm making a mistake.
Whatever. We shall see what happens.

New subject.
I really like him, but I don't think he likes me. What should I dodod?

i dont really have much to say.


why dont i EVER have a boyfriend during the summer. it never seems to work for me. HAHA. whatever i suck at life anyway. lol.

<3